pushing past a tear to a scream pushing past a scream to a fist turning to my hands to myself why is it always like this never ever caring how never even going to need to know what else to do when all I know is to bleed one day soon, nothing comes for you nothing drinks our blood and nothing takes us home I wish that I could slice out my heart but not so I can give it away only to hide it in a secret place to keep everyone else safe one day soon, nothing comes for you nothing drinks our blood and nothing takes us home

Poetry will fail me, but it's only cuz I can't figure out or choose from millions of voices all screaming too loud and sometimes I wish I could do anything without taking it as far as it will possibly go to the extreme, to the extreme No escape, I can't stop it, Its forever, never ok it's a curse or my heart is haunted, or it's just like this my whole life and all the while I can't change when the same things that tear me apart are the parts of myself that I hold the closest the passion the freak the freedom and speed

silence comes down caressing our legs for once in my life I can just stay right here and not have to scream or hurt and not have get up and work I don't have drown in the guilt I can just lay right here you don't have to take my hand you don't have to ask where I was we don't need to live outside of the silence that we made for ourselves I don't care who you pretended to be its not like I need you to die for me I just want lay for a while in the silence that we made for ourselves

cross my heart and hope to die, limozine on fire, kiss me goodnight (Rob Apollo) Pretty flowers Force fed like shitty hours Heart of gold but it’s bloody bloody  So my heartthrob feel pretty coward Love the love but not as much As I love the burns, chirping birds Sing sad songs my flirtin words is a call for help, heart is felt Heaven sent because heaven stealth I’m fakin god until hellish melts Still love mateeeriaal rope her up with a polo belt Tie a noose like tyin shoes My friends dyin like everyday Suicide Normalize small blood from smaller blades Small people with larger brains Why lie with none to gain Nostalgic bout the paiiin I think I miss the eleventh grade But I only miss the feelin of a feelin I been fuckin numb I fuckin cum instead of eating pills Search for fill without eating meals Nah, I wanna do like that My crew like that, my boo like that Move forward then move right back Grab a fifth then slew it back She love me fully I love her pussy I don’t think I really know the difference We both just tryna fill a hole without feeling cryptic (Real Dom) escaping to nostalgia wont make it okay when they bleed us dry with each passing day we're no use for them dead, but they hate that we're alive and if just out of spite, we will survive the cruelty of life seems to know no bounds and the powerful few let loose the hounds and heartless men all sharpen their knives and if just out of spite, we will survive. (Rob Apollo) Fell in love with a girl from Chicago Fell in love with a girl from Chicago I’m cryin while I’m lookin at trivago I’m dyin tryna find where my mind go Mind goooooo *echo* yeaaaaaaaa I miss the lips Wanna grab them hips Lemme see you strip Piercings on nips Mitch my blonde tips Her jeans so ripped Quick get unzipped Then ugh They don’t really move like us Nah baby they don’t really move like us Shawty really like me that’s why she wanna she fight me She fear attachment chick just like me We is all the saaamee  yea we all the same buncha Broken people in this simulation why you playin games When we play the same Fuckin good to forget the strain This rope bunny not layin tame Pull her hair like I’m pullin fangs Then feed the feelin with a plate of pain  Tie me up like a fuckin noose I wanna die when im fuckin you Living fast hope I miss the crash Pissin cash, livin in the past I miss my ex I miss the sex It’s a late night hope I missed her text I might make mistake and try to fuck again Convuluted cause I’m so depressed Arrogant and I’m insecure my real voice is been runnin dry Think Truth hurts cause i know the lies Cross my heart and hope to die

I am ugly with no reason with no reason no one needs to know no one needs to know sinew, injury, midnight, midnight watching all the shapes on the water's edge sinew, injury, midnight, midnight nobody told me I was already dead swimming in it, swimming in it the whole way home we were swimming in it I remembered at the moment where the dimness thinned and I let the wickedness in dis-ar-disarticulation pulled apart piece by piece

it's all so easy, to fall completely it doesnt take much to make me wanna tear out my guts it's all so special it's the reason i'm alive it doesn't have to kill us it's so easy to survive and every times I fall in love it's the only time it's ever been like this like this like this maybe maybe I rip out my heart too soon, but if I'm not constantly feeling everything I don't know what to do

maybe i'll chop off my hands so when my fingers slip into yours my other hand wont immediately begin to dig and dig and dig and dig my own grave some times I wish that my wounds will never heal but I don't wi­sh that today yeah I just want someone to tell me that I'm beautiful I just wanna be beautiful feelin frantic feelin sad feelin wild feelin bad

Para-para-paralysis smother everything nothing nothing between the stabbing and the sting what what are we doing, I'm pulled apart from every, every direction we don't know where to start Fake all your fears to hide what's real when all the jokes are secretly how I feel but here they've collapsed and I've had enough and so with no smile we laugh laugh laugh it up

So quickly I am accustomed to your touch So quickly I forget how to be alone Soon I’ll realize I will never be enough So soon we’ll burn down our own home Every night I never fall asleep I lie awake and disappoint myself Every night I make a promise I can’t keep I lie awake and make my own hell Everything good that I have I will never deserve I will throw it all away I will make my own life worse I can do this I can do this I can ruin my life all on my own

these days the restlessness comes fast, waiting to see if it lasts and grinds me up and, scatters me to the wind and leave what we had in the past hoping to escape, before the fear comes and takes what little we have, what little we managed to come together to make here comes that voice again asking what have I done what have I done I jumped in the river to see where it ends and what have I done what have I done I'm sorry I fell in love I'm sorry it was with you I'm sorry it's just I don't know what else to do

cut my hair in the reflection in a window of a car throw it in a dumpster and wonder where you are pump the gas and drink a red bull just for fun slam the can and know deep down, there's nowhere to run regret can come from so many places it's hard to really know where lifting all these weights won't make me strong enough to care so much left to see and feel and so much left to do so many ways that I could fuck this up and end up hurting you we make it up when we forget the words to the song and sing it like that's the way we meant it all along it's never been planned it's always been all wrong the list of my failures and disappointments is one thousand miles long but still try as I might there is nothing else I can find to sort out all made up reasons living behind the desire to smash myself until I am just a pile of dust there's other ways besides self destruction that aren't quite so obvious we can find our ways to become oblivion, oblivion it's inevitable it's inevitable, but my total collapse will at least be sung and I as I crumble beneath my own life my exhaustion will take me I wont put up a fight but even still it wont be despair that takes my breath when there's still some to share singing whoa whoa whoa so much left to do